Current Music: Nobody Drinks Alone - Keith Urban
Have you ever visited a place in your life when you thought you had everything figured out only to find that life throws you just enough of a curve ball as if to smirk at you and say....you don't know nothing kid. My friend is a curve ball.
Lately I've had the most unusual pleasure in developing a friendship with someone that initially I didn't feel was possible. The most intriging thing is, this friendship I'm talking about has quickly developed into one of the most enlightening. Some time ago, I was in a bad place, I wasn't ok with life, I wasn't ok with work, to be more definitive, workwise I was being shuffled from desk to desk which may seem of little consequence, and I suppose thats true but it was enough to unsettle me. Home life was literally unbearable to the point where I avoided frequenting that joint as much as possible and to top it all off, I had a crush on this girl I know which was absolutely unjustifiably wrong. I was in a pretty bad state and it wasn't long before dreading the culmination of these events would actually just wire me up so much that it began to impact me physically and mentally I suppose. Then Zed emailled me. Now Zed and I at this point in time were most certainly aqaintences, knew the same people, I suppose seen each other around and hung out but never in a personal compacity... so to get an email from Zed would have been similar to... well really there was no presedence... highly unusual I suppose would be the term. The email read: Are you ok, you seem a little depressed lately. Now understand that prior to this I had already made my mind up about Zed. Distant, intimidating and unapproachable, not bad, not angry no... but certainly someone who you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of. After the intial shock of disbelief, I emailled back, I had decided to take the opportunity to let most of it out, figuring one of two thingswould happen. One, she'd think I was far too intense and just not ask any more questions. Two, I could be totally wrong and Zeds motives were entirely genuine. My cynicism grows partly out of mistrust I suspect. I don't let many people in, theres no point I think showing people the real you, because they'll ultimately take from you what they need to take, see what they want to see and no matter how warped their perception, the real you can't change that. So my point is if this person doesn't know you how can their opinion of anything be validated. I'd consider myself quite an honest person, but with Zed, I wanted to try something a little different, I figured I'd throw caution to the wind and tell it like it is in an attempt to answer my own pressing question.... who are you really?? As stated, I had a preconception when it came to Zed, when I thought about it more, the more it didn't make sense, the more I felt odd about how I felt, because the reality is - I didn't even know her. Not really anyway. Shortly after I became more familiar with my current working enviroment I was introduced to a group of people that was quite different to what I'd known before, a younger more energetic crowd then myself, kids in my opinion, that seemed content to be themselves and having fun at it. The more time I spent with this group the more I began to see a dynamic emerge... this group of people or more rightly the personalities of these people just seemed to fit together, not only fit but also be entirely complementary to each other. Each of these people at least on the surface was easy to read, easy enough that I gave them nicknames relating to their attributes in this group... Balance, Naievity, Honesty, Humour and Reason. | ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
chrusiel's journal
okay
frustrated
curious